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While it’s okay for conversations about white supremacy to make you uncomfortable (hey, we should be uncomfortable with that shit), being generally aware of how race plays out and feeling fairly well versed in Being honest about the ways in which race is complex – both inside and outside of your relationship – shows a willingness to engage with a part of your partner’s identity and experience in a way that really holds them.

As a woman, I know that sometimes talking about gender with a male partner – even if he’s well versed in all things feminist – can feel exhausting.

Maybe it isn’t even appropriate for your partner to talk to their family at all about their dating life.

Or maybe your partner has to go through almost a “coming out” process around dating someone white or outside of their culture.

It wasn’t until high school that I started to realize that the love I saw and wanted came with conditions.

He reminded me a lot of my father, the way he played with me and did 'man' things like pulling out my chair and holding all the doors. I have the fondest memories of my parents spontaneously stealing 'private' kisses, the grand romantic gestures of my aunts and uncles and watching my grandparents dancing to old records in their living room.Love was all around me and I spent hours dreaming of the day I'd have one to call my own.That is, unless you count my first boyfriend – José – who, in the second grade, long-distance collect-called me from Puerto Rico and got me in a lot of trouble with my dad. But I think it’s worth revisiting these concepts within the context of romantic or sexual relationships. And the way we practice our allyship in those contexts should reflect that.So, whether you’re years deep in a charmingly fairy tale-esque romance with your beau or you’re just now firing up to dive into your first, here are seven things to remember as a white person involved with a person of color.

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He was great, so naturally I thought nothing of bringing him home for my parents to meet right after I turned 16.

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